so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
