I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
