hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
