between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you will always have a special place in my vag
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
