Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
