so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
