Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
