wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
