I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
