omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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