I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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