consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
