I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
