Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
