Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
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While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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