I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
