hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
