I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
