The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
