whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
