to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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