I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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