Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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