Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
