she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
