Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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