Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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