Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
