Kiss
Puke
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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