My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
