All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize