Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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