I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
