why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
