Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
