You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
