It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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