the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
