Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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