don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
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Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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