that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
