i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
