I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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