My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
