sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
