I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
