So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
