how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
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The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
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Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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