My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
