I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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