She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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