The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
