i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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