I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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