"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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