she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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