MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
