If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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