i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
it was like eating out sand paper
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
