Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
