if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
