if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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