I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
