yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
