my phone needs a breathalizer
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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